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12 November 2007 @ 02:53 pm
I didn’t sleep well last night. I spent the whole night tossing and turning over this stupid event that happened that was blown way out of proportion. Yes, the event was my fault, it’s always my fault. Thing turning bad and being my fault seems to be my specialty lately. I seem to be the only one capable of admitting my mistakes and taking the blame for them. This happened with one best friend, and it is happening again with another. While I don’t feel like I am in the wrong, or was in the wrong with the other incident, I seem to be the only common factor in the two equations. So, the question has been raised in my head, is it me? Even though I don’t feel like I am in the wrong, I am the one that is blamed. I just don’t know what to do. Maybe I am a crappy friend, maybe I am the one with bitch mood swings (after all, those do run in my family). I hate feeling like this, I hate feeling like I am a crazy person, I hate that people think badly of me. I wish that for once in my life, situations like this would go in my favor. I wish that for once in my life things could be good, and stay good. I wish that I could trust more people in this world, or maybe that I wouldn’t trust as easily, maybe then I wouldn’t get hurt.

It always seems that I am going through test, after test, with no break in between. The only reason why I keep smiling through it all is because I know that there are way worse problems in this world then a stupid friend. I’m not starving, I have a roof over my head at night, I have a family that is awesome...so what is the big deal? I know that I can’t have it all, and I also know that I do have friends that care about me and will always be there, even if this number seems to be decreasing at a substantial rate. These are the reasons why I keep pressing forward. Test after test, friend after friend. I know that when all seem horribly wrong, it’s not all that bad with God on your side. If anything like this would’ve happened to me a year and a half ago, I would have crumbled, but now I feel like I can go through anything.

I feel like I’m in some parallel universe or something because I have stopped fighting for the little things in life. I’ve learned that friends come and go, but family and God will never leave and never change. Hopefully everything works out, but if it doesn’t I’m going to just have to move on. Life at 20 is so complicated! Just kidding! I know that things are only going to get harder as my walk with God becomes stronger, but I’m up for the challenge! Bring it on planet Earth, bring it on!

This time, 13 things that are funny and/or going good in my life (I figure you, and I, need a pick-me-up after this entry)!

1. The coffee at my work is HORRIBLE, but everyone still continues to drink it because we can’t work in the morning without it.
2. Only 20 months until I fly south.
3. I have grown very fond of Sky Mall, and am ashamed because I can’t shop there, no body shops at Sky Mall! Although I think that I am going to start buying my groceries from Sharper Image.
4. I wear my LIVESTRONG bracelet everyday. I’m kind of upset that I haven’t been able to use it yet. Why are there no blind children when you need them?
5. My dad has becoming more entertaining in the last few weeks. He will text message me at random times, and every time I call him and ask “What’s up?” he always replies with the same four things, “the sky, the moon, the sun, my weight.”
6. We realized something on Saturday night, our youth group causes a lot of mayhem.
7. Dove chocolates make me happy inside. Both the chocolate and the little sayings are amazing.
8. My desk chair at work is so comfortable, and I am beyond tired. These two things combined are making for one interesting morning. I just hope that I don’t fall asleep.
9. I love working for Chevron. My favorite part, the fact that they demand we take breaks every 45 minutes. They even installed a program on our computers that locks it so that we have to take a 5 minute break.
10. For some reason, I am obsessed with office supplies. Alisha and I get so happy when we visit Office Depot. For us, it’s like a candy store.
11. Friday night is going to be AMAZING. I am going to two parties. And I’m going to buy the best gift in the world for Ryan’s house-warming party.
12. Wizard of Oz and drumline movies make me so happy.
13. I love getting surprise visits from friends. Mike and Ben Cooper came to visit me yesterday for no real reason, and we just hung out and watched movies and CSI for five and half hours. It was amazing.

<33 J.Hook
Current Location: Luke's House. Office.
Current Music: breathe - kittie
Jenn: Me in Snowangelnnej on November 13th, 2007 04:56 am (UTC)
*hugs* Sorry things aren't so good right now. I think of things like this sometimes and it makes me feel better: If you are wondering/worried you are to blame chances are you aren't. I doubt you would intentionally hurt someone so I doubt there is any blame to be had. I love you and hope things get better.
Jamiejmehooker on November 14th, 2007 01:45 am (UTC)
thanks for the kind thoughts. things seem to be looking up... =)
Crystalcrystalina on November 13th, 2007 05:35 am (UTC)
Have you considered carrying around a "WWJD?" bracelet, just in case you see a Jewish friend, so you can put it on him and watch it turn into a snake? You could both laugh...

I love you!
Jamiejmehooker on November 14th, 2007 01:45 am (UTC)
i need to get one of both...
a WWJD bracelet and a Jewish friend. know where i could get either?